nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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