That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
