what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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