I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
