Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
