I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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