The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
