Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize