yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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