I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
