I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
