Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
