When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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