wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
