god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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