I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
