new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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