you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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