It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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