I wish I could teleport
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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