ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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