mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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