She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
