No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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