Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
