I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
