Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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