My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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