You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
