You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
