The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize