I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
