It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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