There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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