i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
