dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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