and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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