Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize