it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize