You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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