Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
last night I used snow as a chaser
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