i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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