between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You pole danced in your parka.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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