Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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