Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
