Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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