How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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