he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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