Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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