so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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