he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
