How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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