You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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