FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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