did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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