***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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