Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize