Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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