Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You left your phone here
Wait...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
