dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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