yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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