So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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