You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
