I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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