he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
