About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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