True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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