3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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