I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
