Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
