Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
