My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
