I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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