And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
