I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
