I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
