I'm gonna have a badass scar
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
