is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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