i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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